


Sleep

by rosewitchx



Series: home's the place that I've never known [3]
Category: Steven Universe - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Corrupted Gems, Corruption, Drabble, F/M, Gem War, Hurt/Comfort, Murder, Older Connie Maheswaran, Older steven universe, Time Skips, War, fuck me up inside, god help me the tags arent loading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-18 22:30:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11884173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosewitchx/pseuds/rosewitchx
Summary: They're worse than tremors— they're, they're these terrors—And its like—It feels like as if somebody was gripping my throat—And squeezing and——The creature is a broken record.





	1. and through it all

The creature is a broken record.

The creature was born out of darkness. Its first memories are of grief and mourning. It knows its existence is forbidden, taboo.

Its heart beats too fast as it tries to defend itself from the phantoms of its previous life.

Its heart should not beat.

It should not have a heart at all.

It is no more than a shell of who it used to be.

A horrid, corrupted beast.

The phantoms are crying. The phantoms are mourning it. Mourning its past.

_Undeserving of your sympathy_ , the creature manages to think.

What is 'sympathy'?


	2. how could you cry for me?

The creature is fierce.

Its teeth are sharp like the sword it once wielded. Its fur is stronger than the shield it once held. It is more agile than ever. It is faster, better. It is, overall, an improvement.

It dodges the phantoms' attacks. They haunt it, yelling at it to come back, this isn't you, please—

It wants to tell them. It wants to say, _he's no longer here. He's never coming back._

It wants to apologize. It wants to weep. It wants to be held.

But it knows what awaits it.

So the creature, tired, fights the phantoms.


	3. 'cause i don't feel bad about it

The creature thinks.

Not really. The creature cannot think. It lost that ability when _he_ ceased to exist. Instead, it gnaws away at its own fragile memories: being struck down by its phantoms.

It is unable to reform. It know it _has_ to, it could be in terrible danger. A long-forgotten instinct tells it: it should flee. It should escape as soon as possible. But it cannot. One of _his_ memories slips into its mind: a bubble. It remembers it, understanding.

Still, it gnaws at the walls of its prison; it does not want to be alone.

It wants to—


	4. so shut your eyes

The creature is set free.

It does not know how much time has passed. It knows this: the phantoms haven't forgotten. The phantom in front of it looks stronger than it remembered. The phantom won't have mercy. The phantom won't forgive. The phantom won't forget.

The phantom carries a bubble with her; she cradles it on her hands, carefully. The creature does not know what lays inside. The creature is terrified.

The phantom reaches towards the creature with her hand. It sees her more clearly now, through its thorn—plagued eyes: she is a knight.

The Savior of the Dead.


	5. kiss me goodbye

The phantom is gentle and does not harm the creature.

She holds its paw, not scared of it. She sits next to it. Leans against it. Her armor is heavy, her eyes are tired. They gleam with a light the other phantoms did not have.

 _Unapologetic apathy. His_ words slip through the creature's broken mind. That's what they looked like.

But the Knight: she is different. The Savior pops the bubble. The Savior activates the artifact. The Savior prays for the creature.

The light embraces it. It is warm.

The creature weeps. The creature is held.

The creature fades away.


	6. and sleep

Steven wakes.

Everything is dark. He does not know what time it is. There's explosions outside— the beach house trembles like a leaf. He raises from his bed: it is too small for him. His feet hang from it. It creaks under his weigh.

He looks at himself.

He does not recognize himself.

He used to have claws. And roses. And teeth sharp as knives, fur strong as steel.

He used to be soft. He used to wear a star. He used to laugh and cry. He used to protect.

A word flashes through his mind: _sorry_.

Steven heads outside.


	7. wake up

Connie holds him as he walks through the wreckage.

Its been six years. She's grown. He is, too, somehow. There's residual damage from the Diamonds: blurry eyesight, a mess in his brain. A chronic pain he pretends isn't there.

They're adults. They go out for a drink. The Gems aren't home anyway.

Connie holds onto him as if he might vanish.

He feels sorry.

He feels regret.

Connie told him: they were at war. She told him: Peridot had reverted corruption. She told him: he was the first one.

She told him: _I love you_.

Steven did not deserve love.


	8. and i can't, i can't ever wake up

Connie kisses him.

They're at war.

He raises his shield and deflects a laserbeam.

He kisses Connie.

They've won.

He pulls her away from Yellow Diamond's gemstone.

They kiss again.

They're safe.

She lays next to him, in silence.

"Do you ever regret it?"

Steven looks up to her.

"Do you ever regret what you've done?"

Steven thinks. Of the creature. Of the pain before it. The messes his mother had left behind.

He holds her hand, and hopes she can't see, somehow, the tears falling down in the dark.

"There's no way that I'm sorry for what I did."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look. i wrote this on impulse. it's almost midnight and i'm running on rum and coke. BIG FUN
> 
> yeah im not writing into this series anymore


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